peeksssss from long ago.

insanity might just be sanity

why cant you believe that more exists than what you can touch?

Cupid rules us all.

okay, first things first. today is the first and the first, today is the twenty first. nowwwwwwwww, who gets what i mean? HAHAHA anyway, i need to cut my hair. i look like a walking lump of hair now (not that my hair is extremely thick or whatsoever). i need to get it. cut? i think my fringe is getting very unbearable but the mere thought of just getting it shortened makes me want to cry (in that annoying slang, come on, denise laugh HAHAHAH!). i cannot bear to have it cut. but it is always falling over my eyes, making me more blind than i already am. to keep blowing my fringe is such a chore. would anyone like to help me blow my fringe? contact me please. HAHAHAHA!
the point is :
i need a drastic change to my hair. wait for it, will you all?

i seem unable to grasp the simple fact that it is so simple to fall. fall down. fall from glory. fall into a pit so deep you cant ever climb out of. fall into a routine. fall into the vicious cycle of life. fall from where we are standing and we dont even need to do anything. soooooooooo! it IS extrememly easy to fall right? correct me if i am wrong.......... and when you fall, you dont know what hit you.

PAIN IS PLEASURE.
keep that in mind when we are doing our weights, the pain that arises from pumping our muscles, yes, it is pleasure.
keep that in mind when we are rowing, when our muscles start to ache, when the lactic acid starts to build up.
keep that in mind when you fall in love and you get hurt from it, pain is pleasure.
pain IS pleasure.
it is so pleasurable to be reminded that we are still mortals. stuck in our bids to escape from this world. this life. to get to a better place, up there? which i am not sure even exists (ohh, please read this with an open mind).

HAHAHAHA okay super vague i know. am not even sure what i am talking about.
it is not a matter of why we are escaping, but what we are escaping from and escaping into. HAHAHA sweet escapade? tell me when you find yours.

why is the wind so wild? i need to run and hide from the wind. i can feel a storm coming. and i do not feel at ease. i think i shall hide. under my umbrella. yes, thats what i should do.....

my goshhhhhhhh

HAHAHA i think u smiled at me. did you? did you?
(fuck i am damn high now la. i am so high over your smile. ahhhhhhhh i am going crazy. please smile at me more?)

its friday, 12.50pm. i just finished running the perimeter of the school with denise and MX.
and i clocked my PB(:
denise's too. hehehehe we are ST partners <3 love you PLEASE(in that irritaing voice. HAHAHA)
okay the above colour looks damn gay. but whatever. denise likes red and orange. HAHAHAHA so do i. pink is too gayyyyy-.-

noone else

when i saw u today, my heart tore itself into little pieces.
the sinking feeling came back, i felt like vomitting.
and i remembered all the promises made.
i'm gonna keep mine.
and i hope we will turn out fine.
i miss holding your arm.
i miss your hug.
i miss you pinching my cheek.
i miss everything about you.
and i dont think i will ever forget.


this broken heart of mine, in the meanwhile, will keep beating. waiting for your return.

teh neh neh neh-.-

i had alot to say but i forgot................

hello you. thanks for dinnering with me yday. it has been a long awaited dinner date. the first of june shall be our coming third month. it sounds like a short while. with us drifting closer and also drifting away. but i know you'll still be there for me. HAHAHAHA gossip while stuffing ourselves with sushi. wahlao. you are such a big eater la-.-! i am in awe. HAHA! i need to ask you out to eat more often because i wont feel awkward eating so much then. soft boiled eggs. HEHE! i like!

hello you. thanks for all the encouragement that you have given me the past few days. please do not worry about me because i think i know whats the best for myself. eh you also dont bias la. i am not as good as you think also leh... i know we dont talk very often on the phone or whatever. and you are damn fierce during trainings ): i am damn scared of you. HAHAHAHA but i wish to run as fast as you. HEH HEH!

very tired of wanting to see you. very tired of wishing you'd message or call me. very tired of crying myself to sleep at night. every night. for the past week. my eyes are tired. my heart is tired. but i am still holding on. i know it will get better in time.

rhythm of life.....................

why! wont you say you miss me when i call. ahhhhhhhhhh! sometimes, you can be so dumb. or maybe you know. but you dont wish to say it. sorry but i cant live with not seeing you. yes call me clingy or whatever. i am like that.......................

just shut your trap

(INSERT NAME HERE) you know who you are.
please just stop talking bad about me in front of ayf, thankyouverymuch. i mean. just too bad if you dont think i am good enough for ayf. you need dettol for your mouth for all the filthy things you say about me in front of ayf. why not tell me straight in front of my face? stop asking ayf to break up with me. stop asking ayf to get a new girlfriend. stop all of your crap like how bad i am and such. do you really think ayf doesnt know my bad points? sorry. we are 5 months and going strong. you only see the bad side of me. you think ayf is perfect? no. he is far from perfect for no one is perfect. but so what. i can accept his flaws. he can accept mine too. who do you think you are to try to influence him. if you are so great, go get a gf yourself and then try to make her your dog. let me make it clear. i wont be a dog to ayf. i can listen to him. i can try to change in order to suit him. but whatever you say just totally turns me off. just to spite you, i can oppose him. but whats the point? you are so not worth it. i am not going to quarrel with him over you. yes i do agree you have authority in SPDB. but you have no right to control the relationships in the team. this relationship between me and ayf is not affecting the team. if it is, please do not worry because i will put the team first. my girls team is more important. glory of SPDB what. if the girls do not do well, isnt it going to spoil the image of the team? like, the girls cant win compared to the boys. because of ayf, i am going to train hard. the girls are going to train hard. to get sth for all the hard work. dont you think that will make ayf proud of me? oh that will be so sad for you right. because ayf is happy with me. sorry he is just not into you.
want me to answer your questions as to why he wont break up with me? why he wont get a new girlfriend? because he knows that inside of me is a good that all you narrow minded people cant see. that's why. take that.
and i dont understand why you can ask him to break up with me, if we do break up, it is going to affect him negatively. then i cannot see your guys team doing well. i am sure you wouldnt want that right? that'd be so sad. i dont understand why my camp can support me and ayf being together. being my camp, i am sure they know my bad points. they can see my good points. other than that, they can also see the change in ayf. they ask why am i still with him. it works both ways. just that your camp, being so narrow minded, cannot understand what good ayf sees in me. sorry if you all think i dont treat him well. i do, in ways you all cant see. because you are not observant enough.

i still have got alot to say. just that i think you are not worth me squeezing my brain juice dry just to tell the whole world what a jerk you are. and that girls should turn to lesbian instead of getting together with you. just so you know, you turn me off as much as you are against me and ayf being together, oh! if not even more.
please stop pretending to be friendly in front of me. i do not need your hypocrisy.
and you can go bury your head in some girl's boob and thankfully stay there and shut up.

okay bye.
i hope some guys in the team sees this post and reflect to you about it. you need a wake up call.