FF? dont read if u think u will get offended.

how do you tell if someone is really your friend?

chanced upon that question on someone's msn personal message and it got me wondering. the time is currently 11.59pm laaaa. as usual blogger time is screwing up on me. like. what the hell right. i think blogger secretly hates me. anyway! i have got alot(maybe not alot la) to say on this topic of friends.

what are friends for?
are friends hypocrites? looking to steal away things you hold dearly in your heart while you are unaware?
are friends backstabbers? telling lies behind your back? warping the truth and making things worse then they seem?
the word 'friends' seem so overrated. are people on your friendster list your friend if you have only seen them once before. yes, friendster is a social networking site. BLAHBLAHBLAH. so what? friends only what. friends come and go. there are so few who will stay. so few who dont change. so few who can accept you for who you really are (bad breath, hairy armpits, sweaty palms, sweaty feet, gross to the max maomao, BLAHBLAH.........). HAHAHA digressed a little.

ANYWAY!
are you guilty of committing the above? guilt is eating you up inside. and you just want to confess every bad deed that you have done to someone. why not confess it. keeping it inside aint gonna do you no good.
i am aware that in this dog-eat-dog world, people who lie to get their way do exist. people who cheat to gain do exist. and people who backstab just to climb the ladder exist too. this whole world is too malicious. too evil for innocence. innocence does not exist anymore. only lies and deceit. you know you are guilty. you know you were guilty. why not stop this now? why not just end it all? why still continue? it is hurting you. hurting everyone else.

there are some friends who i do trust. with my life. even though we just got close recently. and! no that is not an exaggeration. there are some team mates who i would give up my life for cause i know they are true to me. and there are other friends who i feel are just bullcrapping to me. BC all you want. i know the truth and thats all that matters. i know this post might apply genarally to like a few people. it will be so sad if you feel guilty and think i am talking about you, but i am not. why would i? why would a person, full of pretence like you matter to me? you have got to be joking............. now now now, dont go running to someone and complain just because you think i am talking about you. i am not. i am not. dont worry about it. this is meant for no one and just for me to rant.

thats not alot to talk about after all. erm okay nights. whatever. bye.





do you know where your heart is?
do you think you can find it?
wherever the end is,
do you think you can still see it?

worst day of my life

i got damn pissed yday.
how annoying can younger sisters get?
she keeps wearing my bra.
she wears it to school.
she wears it when she gets home.
she wears it after she bathes.
and she wears it when she sleeps.
and she refuses to let my mother wash it.
helloooooooooo!! like it's MY bra, damnit. i am damn annoyed. so freaking annoyed. now you may think i am selfish and i dislike her alot. but the truth is when i borrow her things, she expects me to bring it to wash. and TWO of my bras are with her okay. one is thrown somewhere and not being washed. the other one is on her. now, i wouldnt mind so much if MM had paid for my bra. BUT I BUY MY OWN BRA. and my sister likes to spend money buying SPORTS bra when she doesnt even exercise. like. WTFFFFFFF. tell me how pissed i can get? and when i try asking her to return my bra OR bring it to wash. she gets pissed at me. KNS LA SHE. CCB! FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!! damn it.

another person pissed me off. tell me. am i really that ugly? why do i feel like you dont wish for others to know that we are together? why do you bother taking the initiative to talk to other girls, even if they are your group mates? why why why? stop giving my crap excuses like i was too far away so you couldnt find me to talk. or that because she was your group mate and that's why you talk to her. so a status as a girlfriend is lower that the status of a group mate? DAMNITTTTTT! damn pissed damn pissed. i wish to give you one tight slap but apparently that would make me seem like i am a jealous monster. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. stuck in a rut. what should i do? no! it is NOT that i get jealous easily. i am just jealous of the fact that you took the initiative to talk to her. bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-stard. KNN! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

sorry ah, at the end of the day i am still a girl right. i still need your pampering and pacifying. why wont you give it to me when i already made it clear that i wanted you to. how ass-y can you get?!

sch again

i wanna go home.
i miss my bolster. i know things change. people change. feelings change. therefore i think we should make good our promises before everything changes. we cant have the best of both worlds. i realized that. therefore i wanna tell you. the thing we shared. and i hope we still share is more than just a feeling. hold my hand and walk with me. be it for the next few weeks. few months. few years. i want to tell you. thanks. for everything.

just shut your trap

(INSERT NAME HERE) you know who you are.
please just stop talking bad about me in front of ayf, thankyouverymuch. i mean. just too bad if you dont think i am good enough for ayf. you need dettol for your mouth for all the filthy things you say about me in front of ayf. why not tell me straight in front of my face? stop asking ayf to break up with me. stop asking ayf to get a new girlfriend. stop all of your crap like how bad i am and such. do you really think ayf doesnt know my bad points? sorry. we are 5 months and going strong. you only see the bad side of me. you think ayf is perfect? no. he is far from perfect for no one is perfect. but so what. i can accept his flaws. he can accept mine too. who do you think you are to try to influence him. if you are so great, go get a gf yourself and then try to make her your dog. let me make it clear. i wont be a dog to ayf. i can listen to him. i can try to change in order to suit him. but whatever you say just totally turns me off. just to spite you, i can oppose him. but whats the point? you are so not worth it. i am not going to quarrel with him over you. yes i do agree you have authority in SPDB. but you have no right to control the relationships in the team. this relationship between me and ayf is not affecting the team. if it is, please do not worry because i will put the team first. my girls team is more important. glory of SPDB what. if the girls do not do well, isnt it going to spoil the image of the team? like, the girls cant win compared to the boys. because of ayf, i am going to train hard. the girls are going to train hard. to get sth for all the hard work. dont you think that will make ayf proud of me? oh that will be so sad for you right. because ayf is happy with me. sorry he is just not into you.
want me to answer your questions as to why he wont break up with me? why he wont get a new girlfriend? because he knows that inside of me is a good that all you narrow minded people cant see. that's why. take that.
and i dont understand why you can ask him to break up with me, if we do break up, it is going to affect him negatively. then i cannot see your guys team doing well. i am sure you wouldnt want that right? that'd be so sad. i dont understand why my camp can support me and ayf being together. being my camp, i am sure they know my bad points. they can see my good points. other than that, they can also see the change in ayf. they ask why am i still with him. it works both ways. just that your camp, being so narrow minded, cannot understand what good ayf sees in me. sorry if you all think i dont treat him well. i do, in ways you all cant see. because you are not observant enough.

i still have got alot to say. just that i think you are not worth me squeezing my brain juice dry just to tell the whole world what a jerk you are. and that girls should turn to lesbian instead of getting together with you. just so you know, you turn me off as much as you are against me and ayf being together, oh! if not even more.
please stop pretending to be friendly in front of me. i do not need your hypocrisy.
and you can go bury your head in some girl's boob and thankfully stay there and shut up.

okay bye.
i hope some guys in the team sees this post and reflect to you about it. you need a wake up call.