words;

it is what i have alot of. so much so that most of you(s) dont even wanna hear me speak. isnt that right? am i right? well, if thats the case then dont bother reading, cause for all you know, i dont want you to be reading this either. okay i sound so angsty all. BUT dont worry. i am not, pam is a happy kid. and she doesnt wanna grow up and have boobies (okay random).

maybe we have been living with our eyes half open, that is why we are not seeing the whole picture? maybe we are afraid of words we havent said. i wonder what thoughts go through your mind, what morbid fantasies you make up.
but alas, we were not created in the way that permits ourselves to be cut open in the skull and probing around our brains. we would most probably die, but, i dont exactly mind dying now. yes am still young all, but i wouldnt wanna die an old hag. so ugly and miserable. what if i have no children to like, attend my funeral. it IS either sooner or later so, why not sooner right. NOW, would be a good time (: (: (:

not supposed to be updating about my life. but i think everybody secretly wants to know about me. HAHAHAHA call me shameless or whatever-er-er but arent you reading it now? oh, dont feel the pinch. what makes you think i am talking about you? am not luh, for i dont even know who's reading. okay okay i shall stop being all sarcastic, for all i know, i might just get hate mail, but then i would hafta thank the people who would bother writing me mail, i will check out your handwriting and give you my feedback okay, dont worry (: (:

am i supposed to update? days pass by without a sign. it is already a freaking tuesday, and when did i last update? i had no idea people read this load of nonsense. are my posts too wordy?

saturday, had trng as usual but mixed was cancelled and went to my grandma's and knocked out until about 9plus, all the way from 5 i think. woahhhh, i think i mighta been a pig in my previous previous life or sth. my grans commented i am damn chor lor all, what kick here and there and talk damn loud :/ aye. i feel we need to express ourselves through our actions. dont expect me to act guniang all (cause i dont need to act, i AM damn guniang (: teeheee). but whatever-er-er. i like the way i am. if you dont like me, then dont be my friend. why!i think that, er, you all should learn to see past all the beautifooooool mistakes that i make and accept me. i can be a very, very good friend. dont make me your enemy. i will just cry ): i am all vulnerable and weak actually.

sunday, i didnt get to attend trng because my stomach was giving me problems and my body decided to get all hot and stuff. so, sorry l-l-ladiezzz. and i forgot what i did cause my brains were being fried. so sad, so sad. it is a sad sad situation........

monday, mixed trng. gwen had a bath during mixed cause i was ferociously splashing water all. i think i secretly am not cut out for rowing. i need to get my technique right. need to get the front catch. when six inches matter so much, yet i dont have it. i hope it is six inches and not more or i wouldnt be able to take it. well, i was talking about my stroke length luh, what were you(s) thinking? need to drive, drive. keep driving!! faster, stronger, better. i know i can do it. i have got the drive to. i have got the motivation to. BUT!!! the question is, are YOU able to too?
anyway, headed to maui with bun, bee and loveofmylife. then hanging around all. then bing, ling and ping came along after some time. then i headed home and just died on bed. Gahhhhhh! see! told you(s) am a pig. oh, i think i am a pig! and the truth hurts! i do not wish to be a pig luh, please eepeishan, dont turn into a pig.


Living is, hard enough, without you fucking up

so few come and dont go.

OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY since shawn wants me to blog about the spdbguys. i shall comply. since there is nothing much for me to do. lets talk about.
SHAWN! i know the main point you ask me to blog about the guys is to talk about you right? okay shawn eats damn slowly. and he makes people wait for him. HAHAHAHA shawn has aids. shawn has abs liaoZxz. shawn is mr biceps. ya he has nice biceps. biceps infested with aids. eh what else. erm shawn has an angel. hahahahaha. the angel trained out his abs. HAHAHA. so cool right. aids aids aids. nothing else to say alr.
my god. i am in the club now and someone just came in and i am damn high but i am not showing any facial expressions. cause i am not allowed to. i am not supposed to. i am not goinrg to. i cant. i need to control myself. i need to. and i am feeling so terrible now. cause i cant do anything about it. damn it. pam, you are such a loser laaaaaaaaaaaa wahlao.......
back to a more serious point (not that the above isnt serious enough). the leave of people is definitely affecting many. and i cant find anything to console them. which explains my title: so few come and dont go. taken off a song by the fray 'look after you'. people come and go. not many leave footprints in our hearts. there will come a time when people will just leave one by one. and its up to us to make the best out of what we have now. treasure the time left with the remaining people. (and i still havent mustered up the courage to open my mouth to strike a conversation damn!) oh well i think that there is no point in being so depressed over it. we should channel all the depression, sadness and anger into the aggression in the water. nothing is forever. maybe memories. but even memories fade. (he just picked up his bag and left the club and i mustered up enough courage to ask if he was going for lessons and said bye, yes i am still a loser.)photographs are forever? but photographs will fade too. what is forever? friends? friends come and go too. maybe only death is forever. cause once you die. you leave everything behind and you can never come back to life. why....... come to think of it again, glory is forever too. we should leave a legacy, that will stay forever. yes, that is forever. people will remember you and your name will be told in stories. over and over again.
WEDNESDAY:
went to the upper gym. they added new machines there! or isit i havent been there for too long already?! i dont like the upper gym la. its where all the guys wanna train half naked-.- so annoying. please put on a shirt if you happen to fall into the fat NOT fit category. HAHA gross to the max please. please have some decency? okay maybe that is not the right word. but whatever la huh.... as long as you get what i mean can already la huh.

i said it before, i cant promise to love you forever. i can only tell you, i love you today. and i love you tomorrow. and i want to say it everyday.