annoyed

nothing ever goes right for me. why! tell me why must things happen at this period of time. where anything can either make or break me. i feel..................................... loser-fied. no such word but whatever...

is true love so hard to achieve? always thought you would be the one. never thought you would ever be the one who would hurt me. never thought you would be the one that would ask for us to TAB. cant say i have been treating you like how you deserved to be treated. i know very well how i treat you. i am not gentle. not nice. not listening to you. i dont wish to compare myself to other people. i think you dont compare me to others either. but i am still afraid. i am afraid i am not up to your standard. afraid i dont deserve you. afraid that after this TAB thing, you wont love me anymore. what am i supposed to do if one day you really leave me. dont wish for that to happen either. i call every night, as soon as i get home. but we dont get to talk at all. i whine about how much i miss you. yet you dont seem to have a reaction at it at all. the way you hang up. are 3 words very difficult to say. i say i miss you. then you say you miss me too. i ask you, is it out of willingness that you said it or was i just too fast therefore i said it first. or you just said it cause i told you so and you didnt want to hurt me. never thought so many what nots would arise from this relationship that we share. maybe it is true then. that we are still too young. but i still beg to differ. i am pretty sure i want to spend my future with you................................. the question is, do you still?

trainings.....................hurt

due to my toe. i couldnt run. had IT when i walked to class this morning. unlucky ): masters this sunday. 2nd series of the whole masters. training this saturday. better chiong project. i am left with colouring, lots of drawing, scanning, photoshopping and i got to compile everything into 4slides. luckily we dont need to print out the panels. 4 A1 panels, wah wah wee ah! that will cost a bomb. i am a poor kid. does that sound like little to do? HAHA i can assure you it is not....... my pullups suck. i suck........ i am a depressed little kid. watched a video on giving birth in class yesterday. sharon intro to us. oh mann. the video turned me off so much i decide i dont want to give birth the natural way. i would wanna do a c-section but it will hurt too. argh! can we adopt please? but then it'd be different...... cheh............... i want kids la. i can feel my maternal instincts kicking in. HAHAHA to have kids means to HEHEHEHE. but i shy-.-! just joking. like what someone told me. we are still young. still young..................?? i am not prepared to have a kid now but i wont mind looking after little kids. i like to carry them. unless they start shouting in my ear, then they get it from me. after training, pushups as punishments and more to come during other trainings. juniors were alright. they are getting better (: jiayou bah. had maggi mee. i am sick and tired of instant noodles. but boh bian. training end so late. all the stalls close liaoZXzxz la. trained home with zakkybunZXzx and germaine, cheryl and ruifang. had fun on the train. but the bond wasnt there yet. zakky!! i think you are scaring the juniors. HAHAHAHA while walking to bathe, yellow man was walking back to club. and zakky.................... was smiling from ear to ear. ZAKKY! dont think i didnt see what happened. BRIBE ME!! and i will keep my mouth shut. HAHAHAHA!



are we so young that we are not sure of what we want, what we need, what we yearn for? coming 18years of age, young i may be. but definitely old enough to know that i wouldnt want this just to be a fling. a short relationship. coming almost 7months, whatever we put in, is it going to end up in nothing in the future? yes short compared to others that you have had. but long enough a time to make me sure that i do want to spend the future as us, not just me or you. are we so young that we dont know what's our heart's desire? 18 is definitely old enough an age for the heart and head to work as one. i am pretty sure this isnt just an infatuation, nor a trick of the mind. this is not a mental illness that i am suffering from...... i am sure i want it to be us but i am not sure about us. i am not sure about anything anymore........... because you dont assure me. because there is no time anymore. because there is never enough time. not enough hours in a day. 24hours a day seem to pass in a flurry. no time to do anything. we can do nothing at all.........

blogger's timing is screwed. and i am pissed.