Got me tearing up like nobody's business

I can feel and hear Finnick's heart beating around me and I remember an awful truth of life: the steady beating that I'm hearing is the only thing that keeps Finnick with me right now. Everything that he is, every word he will ever speak, every thought he will ever have, every action he will ever perform depends on this one organ, this one piece of him that beats steadily. I wonder if his heart knows just how much depends on it, because I am certain in that moment that Finnick isn't the only one that depends on that heart doing what it is supposed to do. I want to reach inside of him and tell it that I am putting so much into its hands, but I can't, because as best as I can remember hearts don't think or feel or live on their own, but why do I feel suddenly like mine can? It feels huge and powerful and consuming like it has a life of its own, and that it might swell and leave my chest and walk away, but that can't happen, can it? There is too much inside of me, too many emotions, and I'm drowning drowning drowning and I want to cry because I don't understand why I feel the way I do. I can't put a word to what it is, I just know I like so much the way Finnick's eyes turn green when he smiles and the way his hands look when he tucks that blue blanket around me and his laugh and the way it sounds and his posture and the way he walks and his voice and the way he talks and his mind and the way he thinks and the way he can make me smile and the way he loves sugar cubes and how kind he is and how good he is and the way he sees things, everything, nothing, me.

some fuckshit trip to be better indeed. all i got when you came back were higher expectations of me. go fuck yourself.

Just took this nonsense

The Window Shopper Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLD) Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper. You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You’re a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it’s likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You’ve had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there’ll be much more to come. Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you’re especially capable of obsessing over a guy you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns. Your ideal match is someone who’ll love you back with equal fire, and someone you’ve grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you’re drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs.

HH

haha this is too epic. in a span of maybe 2 months or less i already spent 1k on eyewear D: one pair of acid orange frogskins from Oakleys, another pair of Oakleys orange mframe and i just made new specs last night hahaha i am so dead. i am not brand conscious but idk why i keep spending money buying all these stuff. eyes are important to me and i have had a million ppl tell me that my eyes are big but SO WHAT i am going blind soon D: my degree went up again whines hahaha its not 400deg on the left and 700deg on the right not to forget i have slight astigmatism too. i am so deadddddd ahahahaha considered going for lasik but i am scared D: what if i suffer from side effects of lasik ): being sightless is the scariest thing i can imagine. back from lunch and its the second day i have had fish soup i dont feel healthier at all and i am still fat and like a blob. wtffffffffff hate my body. self hate.

the one whose eyes sparkles

i hope you never forget.

Time flew

i have been slacking for quite abit now. changed a few jobs but none gives me the fun and joy plus laughter other than bnj. hahahaha which is why i die also wanna continue scooping because office jobs are really mundane. okay i am turning 22 this year and this blog has been with me since i was 18. when i am bored, i read back on the posts and find myself wondering whether i have changed for the better or still remained the same because i keep making the same mistakes over and over again. it is so difficult to keep my temper in check with i am jealous or angry. everything i destroy or spoil, its always with my own bare hands. my own bloody hands. why cant i just keep my hands in my pocket. and i say trust no one because even the one you thought was most trustworthy didnt turn out to be that trusty after all. my heel is dry and i have new abrasions. i cant believe i have another 3 hours of work to go and i am bored already i want to sleep. this job is good but mother far from my place. i have to spend one whole hour squeezing on the train just to get to work. from east all the way to west. how long can i maintain this mmm.