muahahahahahahaaa

one year ago

nobody used facebook and everyone though facebook (fb for short, duh) was damn leycheh and all. now, what has fb become? hahaha. and nobody is playing happy farm anymore. almost everyone is playing fish a fish. what the shit. i thinking planting crops and killing weds and worms make me happier lorrr!

one year ago, i was a lonely girl.
now i am a problematic girl.
one year ago, i was a fat girl.
now i am still a fat girl.
one year ago, i tried to grow long hair.
now i am still trying to grow my hair.

boring, school suckssss.

maybe i am lighter than what i was now when compared to one year ago ^^

There is a paper

coming on monday and i havent started studying for it oh shit i am so scared haha i dont know any plants ):

itp placement has come out already and i am lucky i guess. haha its so funny. anyway reporting time is 9 la, so good for me.

i need to stop being stupid. need to stop being shallow.

I am so angry now!

how can miss universe 2009 be only 18? Hell, that's YOUNGER than me!!! why are they looking at such young girls now! how can they let fame go into the heads of such young girls! thats so totally unfair!! ): ): and miss china is also 18 lor. wahlao i am so frustrated now. where is my chance to shine! ): but as usual, they only go for looks, tell me how many miss whatevercountry has short hair? hair as short as mine? most of their hair are like what? waist length? hahaha yuckssss what if they go to the toilet and wanna shit and the hair goes into the toilet bowl eeewww

in order to feel worse about myself, i shall go visit realthin. need to exercise. need to lose weight. need to grow long hair!

NEED. TO. BE. PRETTY!

And so I sigh

a sense of relief. Relief that submission is over and presentation has already ended, the thing that is weighing me down now is ITP! I am getting sick thinking of ITP already la.

All I wanna do is to row my not so small boat with my not so big teammates with my not so ugly coach under the not so cooling sun with the not so strong wind.

I wanna complain la. I havent watched GIjoe and there are still alot of other movies I wanna catch. Like, Orphan, Where Got Ghost and others. Shit la, I am a horror fan okay.

And I wanna go clubbing with the ladies and get really wasted before I go for ITP! Come on!

Introduction of PEPS!

Standing at 166cm and weighing 56kg CURRENTLY, is Pamela Ee.

I am loud, brash and wilful. I can get a tad violent at times, okay correction, I am violent most times. I usually get dumped instead of me doing the dumping. I wallow in self pity after the break up happens. I go running, and I run a hell lot to prevent myself from crying and usually it doesn't work because I cry after I run when I am alone. I usually check myself out in the mirror and think why am I so ugly. My complexion is considered flawless but I do have small real pimples every now and then. I try very hard to cover them up because I am not used to having pimples and I dont like it. I don't put make up because I don't think it suits me but I won't mind having some on for the hell of it. I cannot stop talking and almost always you will hear me yakking away, non stop. Sometimes it annoys the hell out of other people and they ask me to shut the fuck up. Whenever I heed their advice and really shut up, other people tend to think I am emo-ing because I usually don't keep quiet, so it puts me in a dilemna-- should I talk or not. I have an unpredictable mood swing and sometimes I am high, the next moment, I would be quiet. I especially hate it when people ask me to shut up. I speak Chinese, English and Hokkien. My dialect is Shanghainese but I have never in my life heard of that dialect before. I hate it that I look better in photos and not in real life. Maybe it is because the photos only capture my more glamourous moments. I am rather emotional but I do not like to show it because people always judge a book by it's cover. I have very short hair so people expect me to be more garang and strong but actually I am weak inside. My boisterous exterior is to confuse people and make them not find out my weakness.

I am an extremely straight forward, sometimes to the point where I am too blunt and I hurt others with my words but still I don't see the need to sugarcoat my words just to make other people feel better about themselves. I use sarcasm but only very minimal. I like the colour orange and I don't mind going out decked from head to toe in orange. I always tell myself that I want to have long hair but I end up snipping them off. People think I am cool with short hair but I never ever thought that way because I never grew up with compliments so when people compliment me now, I am not too sure what to say. 'Errr, thanks?'

Sometimes I wish I were a normal girly girl and not this mix that I am in. I paint my nails and have hair so short that I look like a boy, what does that make me? I love painting nails and helping other people paint theirs too. I change my nail colour almost every other week. Sometimes I scream for no apparent reason but I don't think I am weird. I am brave and not afraid of lizards or cockroaches or ants or any other creepy crawlies that most girls are afraid of. I am not afraid of the dark or ghosts. I think ghosts would be scared off by me. I don't forget things easily though I may seem forgetful. There are some people and certain events that happen that I will never forget. I seldom bear grudges because I know I do offend other people at times. Sometimes I get tired and I zone out. I don't really club or drink. I prefer to stay at home, under the blanket and read a good book. I never get sick of reading the same books over and over again. You can ask me anything about Harry Potter or Twilight and I would be able to answer. People think I am geeky or nerdy when I say that but I can say that I am not. I just like to read. My eyesight is quite bad. I used to say that I won't wear contacts but now I have no choice because I lost my specs and am in no state to buy a new pair.

Mummy hates it that I am so dark because of dragonboat and she always says I look like an Indian but I tell her that she hasn't seen the real Indian yet. I get a or an earful from her when I get home late from training and in order to prevent myself from getting an earache, I get home even later so that she would have already fallen asleep. I get alot of freedom from my parents and I think sometimes I do abuse that freedom. I do things without thinking of the consequences and most people hate me for that. I don't understand myself so I don't expect anyone else to either. This post is definitely not enough to introduce myself but I am guessing it would be a foundation to knowing me? I don't know and I don't really care anymore. There would be others out there who dislike me and they don't matter. What really matters is the people who love me. I think I can safely say that there are more people who love me than the people who dislike me.

Wait till I find out more about myself before I tell it to all of you.

Whatdoiwannasaytoday?

Today i am so proud of myself because i went to the gym and did some weights

i be up in the gym just working on my fitness, he's my witness

hahahaha i had alot to say but i lost it all when i went to the toilet, later then (:

About training on Wednesday

Hahaha should i start on training? everybody thinks it's boring ): but noooooooo training on wednesday wasnt boring at all. 14km non stop was alright, not.

And coach picked up this kite hahaha damn big and he was flying it during the whole duration of rowing. HAHAHAHAH first time I see him do such weird-ass nonsense stuff omg. After he picked up the kite, we continued rowing, which sucked ):

I never ever keep my word

so guess what, I chopped the hair again hehehe.

I sompah it's so short that it's shorter than most guys but then again, what's new? I am always doing such things to my hair. And am really lazy to type the capital i so i shall just do the i, faster and less tedious hehehe.

what have i been doing for these past few days hahaha nothing much. feeling sad. feeling happy. feeling bloated. feeling fat. feeling tired sleepy hungry. and i think a hungry girl is an angry girl okay being so nonsensical here.

chopped my fringe and the left it about less than half it's length. since i only trimmed/chopped the fringe, it left me with this nearly mushroom head with i have a love-hate r/s with. beared with the stupid hair for a few days and went to chop it off today. the hairdresser shaved the back but not skin shave so it's alright. hair will growwwwwwwww.

see you people and let you see my new hair bye!

I AM REALLY REALLY PLEASED WITH MY CURRENT HAIR AND I THINK I LOOK COOL. I DONT CARE WHAT YOU (ALL) THEENKKKK.

Holidays are coming

but first i have to complete my project hahaha and then did i mention that i have attachment during the hols? while i am kinda excited, i am also kinda worried cause what if i fail my itp again right, get sacked or something omg. i am so scared la. think i am not cut out for working haha please can i have a rich bf/gf so i can be pampered and stay home and shake legs all day or if i am not shaking legs, i can go shopping till i drop.

okay, due to attachment, i might not be able to row for sava, apparently there are some people who thinks my attendance for trainings suck already hahaha what a joke right. okay la i suck la i suck cause i am a fake hahahaha okay stop it pam stop it.

training for 10k race is proceeding well. well, sort of but not up to everyone's expectations though. we need to improve. mm, i dont think i am quite cut out for anything!

and i have short fringe now. hahaha it's half as short as the previous one, which means i chopped off more than 10cm of my fringe am still not used to it but if ngng likes it, i can live with it. but bernice says there is not much difference. i miss my floppy fringe already.

went shopping on friday with ngng and wanted to catch UP but the seats were ALL taken woah and HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIYAAAAAA (: and GIJoe also nowhere better, all sold out omgggggg people nowadays so rich, can watch movies on friday haha ngng and i have to scrimpe and save in order to catch a movie lor. hahahahahahaha went to town then nothing to do there 'cept to buy famous amos cookies and i have a joke for that. ngng is amos and i am famous and together we are famous amos. ngng gets damn sian whenever i make her say it -.- entertain me cannot meh!!!!!! after that we headed to vivocity and shopped. actually i was the one doing the shopping and she so poor thing have to tag along and look at me try clothes over the clothes i was wearing. hahahaha bought 2 tops whoooo.

and yours truly has grown fatter. cannot cannot cannot need to run more. please, someone, anyone date me out for runs okay! haha i treat you coffee after that. hahahaha need to eat right. need to run. need to exercise. need to be fit not fat. take the fat out of pam.

okay byeeeee.

Trainings have increased lately

and i havent got time for myself, not at all. everyday is a mad rush of trying to wake up, going to school late most of the time and somedays i dont even go to school. i really dislike school and i have no idea why am i still in school. dragonboat is not gonna help me graduate and i dont even think that i am much needed in the team. who really gives 2 hoots about me? the coach? no fucking way. the juniors who i am gonna graduate with? think again. my batch is leaving this year and i hate it, i hate having people to leave me when i have already grown onto them. i hate it when people are blind to certain things, no wait, they can see but they choose not to see it. why is that so? just because they are your friends so you dont criticize them?

and you, if it is the way i do things, tell me you dont like it, you dont have to say that you dont like me, like hello, as if i really want to waste my breath scolding you, if i dont correct you, do you think you would learn and i have never been in the same group as you before so may i ask what is it about me that you dislike? the way i talk? well, i have been talking like that even before i knew you so to hell with whatever you think. i dont care if everyone fucking dislikes me. i hate everyone anyway.

and attendance wise, i dont think i have been that bad in making time for trainings, in fact i think i go trainings more often than i go to school so please dont try to make it sound like you're nice and everything because i know you are. not and i wont believe whatever you say. sure, you may say that it is the truth but you dont have to phrase it so nicely because that apparently is not what you tell others.

am i appreciated? no i am not. the length of my stroke, the front catch, the recovery, well, everything isnt good enough for you. i know i am lousy you dont have to tell me.

okay enough ranting. lets talk about my life.

saturday and sunday was mixed training again. dont really think i am needed in the mixed boat la. i am sure they can do without me.

monday was another day to slack away.

tuesday was land training and i think i can do better. hate the feeling when i feel like i am pushing and there are others who are not. i mean like, we have already completed like 4 rounds and you come and immediately lag back, like what do you expect me to think? OBVIOUSLY you are not pushing yourself hard enough right? please la, if you really want it, you gotta push yourself. dont give me some half fucked attitude and not push and expect us to be all lovey dovey and mutter sweet words to you. like no way la. no way in hell.

wednesday no school day but i still had to go for sea rowing. dont feel appreciated. felt extra. all the negative feeling came to me and it is seldom i feel that way. hahahaha 10km straight all the way, and guess where i was rowing, right side all the way for 10km straight whoa wheeeeee am i cool or cool. isnt it such a drastic change? from like, left pacer who is all the way in front to a right back pack because there was a shortage of right. why do i feel noone appreciates me for all that i do? if you think it is easy, think again la. hahahahaha. good pacing for mildred edna gwen and yiling! SUANLING you better start coming for training!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thursday is land training once more and i hope it will be better. please be better or i will just have a mental breakdown.

friday i hope that the date will turn out well, i cannot wait (: hopefully i get to catch GI JOE or Up YAYAYAYAYAYAY! i wanna go eat many things and i want this special someone to accompany me!

I DONT PRACTICE FAVOURITISM, I HATE EVERYONE. OKAY THANKS GOODBYE.