Trainings have increased lately

and i havent got time for myself, not at all. everyday is a mad rush of trying to wake up, going to school late most of the time and somedays i dont even go to school. i really dislike school and i have no idea why am i still in school. dragonboat is not gonna help me graduate and i dont even think that i am much needed in the team. who really gives 2 hoots about me? the coach? no fucking way. the juniors who i am gonna graduate with? think again. my batch is leaving this year and i hate it, i hate having people to leave me when i have already grown onto them. i hate it when people are blind to certain things, no wait, they can see but they choose not to see it. why is that so? just because they are your friends so you dont criticize them?

and you, if it is the way i do things, tell me you dont like it, you dont have to say that you dont like me, like hello, as if i really want to waste my breath scolding you, if i dont correct you, do you think you would learn and i have never been in the same group as you before so may i ask what is it about me that you dislike? the way i talk? well, i have been talking like that even before i knew you so to hell with whatever you think. i dont care if everyone fucking dislikes me. i hate everyone anyway.

and attendance wise, i dont think i have been that bad in making time for trainings, in fact i think i go trainings more often than i go to school so please dont try to make it sound like you're nice and everything because i know you are. not and i wont believe whatever you say. sure, you may say that it is the truth but you dont have to phrase it so nicely because that apparently is not what you tell others.

am i appreciated? no i am not. the length of my stroke, the front catch, the recovery, well, everything isnt good enough for you. i know i am lousy you dont have to tell me.

okay enough ranting. lets talk about my life.

saturday and sunday was mixed training again. dont really think i am needed in the mixed boat la. i am sure they can do without me.

monday was another day to slack away.

tuesday was land training and i think i can do better. hate the feeling when i feel like i am pushing and there are others who are not. i mean like, we have already completed like 4 rounds and you come and immediately lag back, like what do you expect me to think? OBVIOUSLY you are not pushing yourself hard enough right? please la, if you really want it, you gotta push yourself. dont give me some half fucked attitude and not push and expect us to be all lovey dovey and mutter sweet words to you. like no way la. no way in hell.

wednesday no school day but i still had to go for sea rowing. dont feel appreciated. felt extra. all the negative feeling came to me and it is seldom i feel that way. hahahaha 10km straight all the way, and guess where i was rowing, right side all the way for 10km straight whoa wheeeeee am i cool or cool. isnt it such a drastic change? from like, left pacer who is all the way in front to a right back pack because there was a shortage of right. why do i feel noone appreciates me for all that i do? if you think it is easy, think again la. hahahahaha. good pacing for mildred edna gwen and yiling! SUANLING you better start coming for training!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thursday is land training once more and i hope it will be better. please be better or i will just have a mental breakdown.

friday i hope that the date will turn out well, i cannot wait (: hopefully i get to catch GI JOE or Up YAYAYAYAYAYAY! i wanna go eat many things and i want this special someone to accompany me!

I DONT PRACTICE FAVOURITISM, I HATE EVERYONE. OKAY THANKS GOODBYE.