mundane talks

hello little eartlings and stalkers.
anyway, trng yday killed me. cause like we chased the rabbit. damn it. tiring like f! and i am currently in class posting this cause there is nth to do in class. its report writing now. we did alot of running. sprints. back kick. front kick?! run backwards. hopping. lunging. wahlao can die i tell you. HAHAHA i am so lousy la. i am damn slow at short distance. knn. someone pls give me talent to run faster for short dist pls. and then we played no rules captain ball and luckily i wasnt involved in the 'battle' that occured in the pool. scary PLEASE! and! there is gems today. havent been attending gems for damn long liao. haha like 2 weeks i think. i am gonna get the warning letter-.- oh my! better be there early today. i hope i have the mood to attend gems later.
i am hungry and i forgot to bring money to eat. and my phone keeps running out of money. can some kind soul buy me top up card. nnp. i am too pro at messaging. stop texting la pam, you are not that popular what................
i do not stalk people. i am not a stalker. stalkers do not sit at coffeeshops and shake leg. stalkers have no time to sit at the coffeeshop and shake leg la. they are busy stalking you see.
i forgot what i wanted to blog about. oh ya! i remember liaoZXz. is it a bad thing to like people easily? like like only. not love. sometimes the object of your affection is very cute (like me maybe) and you cant help it right. so we cant blame ourselves. well i am not talking about myself cause i am still very much in love with my own bolster. well. a different kind of bolster from the normal ones(its one that i brought to dbcamp and its all soft and mouldable and wrapped with manymany layersssss of bolster casing and only the honoured few(like my dbgirls and mrtp and family members) can ever get to see it). i am also very much in love with myself. in love with myself being, i need to talk to myself. haha need to connect with myself laaaaa right? inner connection and must get to know myself better. not the love myself so much that i spend hours in the mirror looking at my own face. FYI, i do not really like to look at my face. i am not pretty. i am not ugly. i think i am pretty ugly. do u get what i mean?
dont give me all the crap that 'oh pam, you are pretty what...... you are not ugly' pls ah-.- u think i will believe you ah? i wont believe la. siao. but then again, different people have different views on beauty. and i do not. give any flying fucks about whether you think i am pretty or not.
SO WHAT if i wear specs. SO WHAT if i dont have long hair? SO WHAT if i dont talk softly? SO WHAT if i dont control my volume? SO WHAT if i eat faster than a guy? SO WHAT if i wanna shave my hair(part of my hair anyway). SO WHAT SO WHAT?
does that mean i am not pretty? does that mean that i am not beautiful? does that mean i am not cute? does that mean that i do not deserve to be a girl. sorry ah. i am still a girl (so sad to all the girly girls out there, i am part of your main gang. HAHA i am still a girl. sad ah cry la). AND all of you blind bats(boys i mean) havent seen the girl side of me. wow isnt that a revelation?
AND SO WHAT if i am in dragonboat! does that mean i cant wear a dress. does that mean i cant wear a skirt? does that mean i cant wear sleeveless. RETARDED. pls ah. dont have a typical mindset that DBgirls are all big and uncouth (well maybe there are some who are like that but not all right). we are not. i feel that every DBgirl is powerful in their own ways. DB is a tough sport and not many have what it takes to stay on. some leave openly. some leave on the sly. others stay on but not for long. even some guys cant take it. so how much does it take a girl to stay on? so here, i salute all the girls who are striving on in DB (: muchloveokay, dont say i am not gentle. erm i digressed alot right? oh ya. as i was saying. i am damn in love with my bolster. and myself. and mrtp. ya love is damn shitty but lovely yet annoying and pissing i tell you. makes your heart feel as if it doesnt belong to you and all you wanna do is to give yor heart to your love with no need for any token of love. and all you could ever ask for is for them to feel the same way as you and that their hearts beat in synch with yours too. very very difficult to explain my situation now. and i know i cant give up cause i wont give up. his is the hand i wanna hold for the rest of my life (rest of my life sounds too long, so erm maybe, for as long as i have strength to hold?). and his is the face i wanna wake up to every morning (no matter how jialat the complexion or how buang the face or how retarded looking the face i dont care la he still damn handsome to me and i go crazy when i catch a glimpse of him eh i dont care what u all say okay). yes i am stubborn like that. erm. what else..............................
oh ya. we need to train hard. i need to train hard. i am still not as good as the rest in the team ): i shall brush up on sprints. on pullups. on amount of weights. on muscle definition. on losing weight. on. alot alot. and it would take me so long to type them out. i am aiming 50kg. can i do it? hahahahha if i am 50kg then i would be underweight i think, for my height la. okay i gg for lunch liao. its a wednesday and its 12pm. and did i mention i have gems later? this is a very long post and y have my respect if you read it word for word(but that also means you have no life la, go on roll your eyes, i cant see you roll it anyway.........) .