I am all that doesnt matter.

I decided to do an introduction about (what I think about) myself in case I change in any way after Regatta.

I talk nonsense all the time so do not under any circumstances hope/pray/wish for me to make sense because I dont make sense, and yes, not even to myself. I have alot of things to say even when there is nothing to say for my brain is always looking for things to comment on, looking for words to blurt out and then hurt others unknowingly. I hate it when I text people and I dont get a reply immediately because I usually reply ASAP for I standby my phone 24/7, yes even when I am showering. If I dont reply, there is only possibility. 1, my phone died because I have already been texting the whole day, therefore the battery is flat. I reply even when I am eating and that means the phone would get dirty but I dont do that now because I am using another phone. I even reply halfway through sex and the other party would get all annoyed. I reply when I am already out with the most important people in my life simply because I have other things to tell the people who text me. And I bring my phone into the toilet when I am bathing or shitting but I have since cut down on those. HAHAHAH! I love shouting and screaming over insignificant things and that irks people. I love irking people so that they can use the word 'irksome' which has been lying dormant in their dictionaries because there is no one that they can apply it to. Sometimes I wake up and thinking about what I have done to my life and most of the time, I just laugh it away. But there are just some people and some events that I can never forget. Maybe I will push them to the back of my brain and shut them there but inevitably, these thoughts crawl out again and I have to shove them back in, yet again. The whole cycle repeats itself over and over and over-er-er.
There are times when I am full of self doubt and self pity, questioning my actions. I feel like I am most pathetic when i see other couples openly displaying their affections. I feel like a coward for not having the balls/guts to stand up to judgements and comments that others are going to pass. I know they are going to do it, I am prepared for it but I just dont wish to stand up to it... Not yet. But soon, I will. Come what may. I will make it though all the stormy weathers. I will survive all the flashes of lightning that all will strike me with.
Because there is someone huddled up with me, under that blanket of warmth, security and reassurance. There is someone who will protect me, even though i may weigh a hefty something-something kaygee. Why, keep guessing my weight then. I wish that I can be consistent in my school work and in keeping my friends but everything just slips away before I can even get a firm grip on them. Maybe it is the things that I have done, the choices I make that they are unhappy with, the decisions that do not fufil their expectations that black is supposed to be black and white would be just pure white. It is they who divide the line so clearly, they are the ones who are making my life utterly miserable where I cannot even be comfortable in my own skin. If you think you know me, think again. How can you know me when I dont even have an inkling about who I am. If I get labelled a bitch, am I a bitch in terms of your definitions? I eat alot and I shit alot. I wouldnt mind if anyone said I were full of shit because I am literally full of shit.

Now, I wanna shit.