HAVE U EVER?

i think i am feeling out of sorts recently. made alot of new friends. make that. erm, got closer to a few friends? whats up with having like super alot of friends but none that you are close to? how many friends in your friendster or facebook do you actually keep in contact with? how many are those that you really know? how many do you add for the sake of adding just to view them and end up not talking to them at all? how many do you add just to increase the number of friends that you have? HAHA in case tou are wondering, i have 666 friends in my friendster. and i am about to delete the ones that i am not familiar with. when i have new friends who i really know. cause i want the number to remain at 666. yeah yeah. whatever la.

anyway. i think i am very superbly retarded. because sometimes, i feel close to like new people who i have just met and i feel like i can tell them every single little shit about my life. because they cannot judge me and can only listen to me, because we are new friends and they dont really know me that well? but i dont think i am the sort who will paint an angelic picture of myself in front of strangers. that is sooooooooooo totally retarded. but i dont think i would mind painting a bimbo picture of myself in front of others cause thats a different story. and. i think i am super smart yet super stupid la. cause i tell like new found friends like damn alot about myself. but i feel safe cause i know they can be trusted? hah so u better not break my trust or i will break your penis or smacl your cb. and! because like i have mentioned. i always appear as the bad person in everybody's eyes. i am the one who is super unworthy of anybody at all. and everything i do will be judged. but sometimes, i think people dont know how i feel. like. i am not very very very ugly. not very very very fat. (notice all the very-s i put in front) ya. but i know i have like. very very very short hair which is unbecoming of a girl-.- eh just cause i talk alot then i very bad meh. HAHAHA why like that! but luckily there are some people out there who do see the good side of me! so thanks very much to the handful out there!!

anyway, i feel superbly awkward. cause what used to be is not not to be. not anymore i think. when all my plans for 11.11.11 is dashed. HAHA i was so looking forward to that. because of you. parts of me died. yes yes. i still dont wanna mention anything on my blog because i am sure all the people do read and if you have any brains AT ALL, you would be able to guess what has alr fucking happened. and if those people who know, pretend they dont. let me tell you, stop being so fake la. it is not appreciated. i would rather you give me your fucking condolences and offer me a piece of pathetic tissue then to pretend you dont know anything............... and then. ya as i was saying. so bloody awkward. came across STALKER's blog. and i find it so true. what happens now? all the avoidance? all the me trying so hard to just be friends but i dont think it is working. i forot what i wanted to say. but anyway, i know more things than people think i do. hahahaha. okay there is nth much to say. this post is not as guai lan as how i wanted to make it sound. so i think i am a good girl (:

to you:
yes, we may have been and maybe we were supposed to be, but somehow, somewhere, something went wrong. and i am kinda sure that 99.9% of it is my fault. cause you are the greatest ever. and i mean that from the bottom of my broken heart.