read and shut the hell up.

so tell me. where is the lively conversation that we used to exchange? gone..... lunch was a sordid affair. with me and him eating our own stuff. not even exchanging a glance. not even letting each other try the food. why did it turn out like that? i wish time could rewind and we could be like last time but no. everything has changed and nothing will be the same anymore. i am a very annoyed girl right now. why do you keep chasing me away? am i wasting your time? am i so annoying and unreasonable that you cant even spend a little more time with me? why cant i be as important? studies are important. training is important. but cant you even spare some time to communicate with me? communication........ it is what we lack. care and concern. yes it is there but it isnt shown. why has everything turned out like that? should we have never started? why is this relationship going to the bogs? cant we cope with studies, dragonboating and this relationship? i dont wish to put the blame on anyone. i can say i have tried. but have you? do you even try to communicate with me? psp games. fifa street. is it more addictive than me? love................ love............. love..................? my ass. where is the love. with no communication, how we going to spread the love. damn it. i have no idea how to keep it going, keep us going. tell me how? you never talk to me. you never take the initiative to talk to me. sometimes i wished i were your friend instead your gf. what the fuck is a gf anyway. i dont even feel like one anymore. you dont talk to me. you dont show you care. hell! you dont even want to acknowledge me. you dont even bother looking at me. why is this so? am i such an eyesore? am i very ugly? am i very fat? i feel so stupid. HAHA maybe i am thats why i fell for someone way above me. maybe you are stupid that's why you like me, that's why you claim you love me, a piece of rubbish- like what you said the other time. right. so when am i gonna feel the love again? this loveydovey feeling, it comes and goes. it never stays....... i wish for it to stay but it doesnt. i am a depressed little kid. i am hurt. i am sad. i cry myself to sleep, but you have no idea. cause you never ask. and even if you do ask, i deny but you dont probe. why dont you ever ask about me? whenever we hold phone conversations, you never talk. awkward silences feel the whole room. i am running out of topics to talk about. why am i the one holding the conversations and you never open up your mouth. the only things you ever say to me is that i should take care. i know i should. i do try to take care. but my standard of taking care of myself is not like yours. and you never believe mine is up to standard. why? am i so inferior to you? do i look like i do not know how to take care of myself? maybe i am just not as skeptical of others, that's why i do not think too much. you on the other hand. paranoid...... paranoia will kill us someday. and that day will come upon us soon. i dont think you believe i am good enough for you. sorry i am not good enough for you. dont think i ever will be...................sorry.


this fucking post will not be spread around. so just shut the fuck up and dont ask me what is wrong. nothing is wrong. how can there be anything wrong? get on the wrong side of me and you are dead. i am pissed so get away from me. yes you. you, you and you. FUCK THIS WORLD. nothing goes right for me ever. fucked up world.